Who The F*** Are You Going To Be?
A lot of men drift through life with the goal being, to get to the other side, with as smooth a ride as possible. I was just drifting along until my late twenties. I was just beginning to hear the deeper questions that were coming up from within me. You know the questions I’m talking about:
“What’s all this about?”
“There has to be more than this?”
“Why are you here?”
“You’re not happy doing what you’re doing, what are you going to do with your life?”
“Which path are you going to take?”
But because I didn’t answer those questions and address the desires of my inner drives, because I didn’t make a decision and take action, because everything was fine and there was no pressing need – life answered them and decided my options for me.
My problem was that I had an inner conflict going on. On one hand I had the desire for adventure, I wanted excitement and I wanted to do great things. But on the other, the small, quiet voice from within would whisper “you’re not good enough, don’t bother, you’ll fail”
So I was just cruising along in life happy at the level I was at outwardly but dissatisfied, inwardly. I wanted to do more and be more but I didn’t know what to do. So I didn’t really make any big moves.
Then I was subjected to a series of negative events which literally changed my life as I knew it. I had a disfiguring “accident” in a pub. Then I had a series of unsuccessful operations which tried to repair the damage but ended up making things worse. From there I went into depression, then a few years later I was diagnosed with a so-called “incurable” disease.
Then I was literally on the bottom in deep depression after that. It probably affected me badly because I had always based my self worth on my looks and my health and fitness. Now I’d lost both. At least in my mind anyway.
One day when I literally didn’t feel like I could get any lower, I received what I refer to as “The Call” from within. It went something along the lines of this:
“Well you’re either going to go one way or the other, you’re either going to stop being a victim, get up off your butt and do something to begin to get yourself out of this shit….either that or you’re going down the pan – what’s it going to be?”
Thankfully I chose the former and I changed that day. Many men weren’t so lucky. They chose to hit the off button and check out. I know many of them.
Those detrimental events that happened to me, were too painful to even think about for a long time. I used to absolutely despise what had happened to me. But the funny thing is, now I’m grateful for them.
Why is that?
How could I be grateful for things that left my life in tatters?
The answer is because they put me on the path I’m on now. I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing had it not been for the “gifts.”
It was because of the shit that went down that I made the decision to change my life and to drag myself out of the hole.
I managed to do that in just a couple of years and now I wanted more.
Questions began to arise within me again, in my quietest moments. It was that quiet voice and it was goading me;
“So who the fuck are you going to be?”
“Just another dude rooted in mediocrity?”
“Is this it, are you going to stop here and be happy with this?”
“Or are you going to be The Man you know you can be?”
This is what I’m talking about when I’m talking about “The Call,” it’s an inner desire calling you to stretch, to be more and to do more. We’ve all have these inner desires.
It was then that I made the decision that I’d go all the way with this and be the best I could be. I’m still on that path to this day and I couldn’t be happier.
So let me ask you,
Can you hear The Call?
So who the f*** are you going to be?